So I posted a message to bio dad yesterday that he has 2 weeks to respond or I go back to court and low and behold I had an email this morning ... funny how
that works. He of course had to move without saying a word, a goodbye to the boys, and without insurance for a year, to Oregon due to circumstances out of his
control. He lost my phone number in the move and somehow omitted the fact that he's had my email address for years ... hmmm 8 years in fact and DS's
email address for a year now. So he wants to call me to exsplain (yes I know it's mispelled ... his words). I gave him all I had in the email response!
Maybe not the nicest words but definately pure honesty on my thoughts, feelings and concerns. Long story short, his impact, his responsibilities, his lack of
concern for those responsibilities and his lack of maturity and when the hell is he going to grow up speech. I can do that with him thankfully as long as I
tell him I'm not mad, just disappointed. The one thing I have over him is that he doesn't want to lose his parental rights and he knows I could have
stripped them years ago. I don't for the boys sake.
I feel as long as one or the both of them wants a relationship that it is not my decision to make to remove that from their possibilities, but rather to
control the impact as best I can when he lets them down. I've found it better to educate the boys that it is a bad decision that their dad has made rather
than anything that they themselves have done. I used to "pretend" it wasn't an issue and "ignore" the fact that he was absent and the
impact it had on them. I witnessed first had in both scenarios that DS is much worse off not knowing anything than to have him come and go. Sad but true. DS
goes through self inflicted blame when he does go but recovers quickly with talking about the situation, where as if I ignore it his depression sinks further
and is more reoccuring. So this time around I wasn't letting dear old dad off the hook without knowing what impact he did have. I'm not sure HS will
let him back in again but DS needs that part of his life. He and his dad are so much alike its not even funny and I truly believe bio dad is BP to. DS
recognizes that bio dad truly knows how he feels and understands him. Bio dad does to from this last go around. He was able to equip him with
some coping mechanisms without even knowing he was able to. I guess that is what frustrates me the most. I know they need each other and I just wish he would
get it together so he could help DS. Who knows if he will ever be capable or not... sigh.



