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DH and I took his clothes to the church building. They will get them tomorrow. He asked dd to get him pics of the dogs. He said he misses them. So I found a pic of the younger dog who he always took on walks, pics of Matt and Noah. Sent all the kool-aid he and I bought. Sent his favorite blanket and pillow and fan. Sent all the regular stuff. He told dd he loves her and told her to tell me he loves me.

Pray that I stay focused.

Thanks for your input Heather, Lynne, Terri. I need your support now!! Thank you.

Heather, when Matt was a little man, he used to say "you're the best mom what I ever had" and I'd answer with "I'm the only mom what you ever had". It was so cute. As he grew older, he would tell me (even from upstairs) "hey mom, I love you". I tell my kids all the time that I love them and I've always done that. My two older ones say it if they call for something... when we are ready to hang up... I love you. My mother always told me and I've done the same. So it is kind of a habit thing, I think. It could mean nothing really. Does that make sense?

When he said I hate him 'coz he's different? Is that what you mean in the poem thing he wrote? The only thing I know is because I haven't been happy with his behavior and drinking and pot. He would tell me that it is who he is. I told him I don't like it. That is all I can think of.

I haven't talked to him since he left here 12 days ago. He won't call me. He calls dd only. SHE IS ADOPTED. Does that ring with anyone?

So he went to the church building to get his clothes today. The secretary is my best friend and she was there. She said he was clean and has gotten a haircut. She said he seemed quite surprised at the amount of stuff that was there. Why??? A, the lady who he is staying with, brought him. DD talked to him last evening and the family was out to eat. It made me jealous a little bit.... he was never here for meals and if we went out he wouldn't go. Hmmmm, he's following her rules for now.

However, all that being said... I have prayed for help and I hope this is the help I get. He is with a Christian family who I know. The mother is so open with me. He could be somewhere in a ditch. It certainly isn't over though. This honeymoon phase will wear off and then we'll see what happens. Academy is July 12 and he insists to A and DD that he is not going. No one can make him. The academy says they have to be willing and not forced.

I have cried all day. I do not understand. He has a family he doesn't want.

Talked to A tonight. He has admitted alot of things to her. Admitted he was running drugs for money. DH AND I KNEW IT, BUT HAD NO PROOF. We knew it was the only way he had money and got drugs, because we weren't giving him money. So talked to her for a long time. She said she just calls him on what he says to her and tells him if she thinks he is lying. Thank God!