Matt is accepted to the ChalleNGe Academy.......letter came today. He insists he isn't going! He's very angry lately. Reporting day is July 12. He
has to be willing to go, needs to shave his head. It's in his best interest. Pray that he goes..... please pray!!!
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He is accepted to academy.
| Author | Comment | |||
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 justlovehim |
He is accepted to academy. |
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Senior
Posts: 3402 (06/10/09 04:15 PM) Senior
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 Chris
DS-Matt,17 : DSolder- 24 : DD- 22 Depression, dx May 2008, ADHD- dx age 9 Attending homebound education, being counseled once a week in-home, and refusing all meds. Waiting to see about the "Mountaineer ChalleNGe Academy" admission. "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" Philippians 4:4 |
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momofalexa |
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Senior
Posts: 9092 (06/10/09 04:35 PM) Moderator,
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Great news about him being accepted!!!! YAH!
Not-so-great news about him so far refusing to go! Oh boy...I wonder if there is a way to bribe him or something. Well, I'm still praying... Happy hugs about the letter...sending more prayers about him going though. What has he been up to lately? Hanging with skankies?
Heather
Mom of Alexa, (17 years old) Diagnosed BP-NOS (09/05), updated to BP II w/psychotic features (05/08) Oppositional Defiant Disorder Abilify (10 mg), Lamictal (200 mg), Klonipin (.5 mg) as needed Topamax at night only (100 mg) Seroquel at night only (200mg) *when she is willing* Attends alternative therapeutic high school (Ohio) 
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Anita |
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Senior
Posts: 4450 (06/10/09 06:01 PM) Charter
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You have a mnth to figure something out. I assume he still lives there? Guess you could threaten something like eviction if he refuses to go. Hopefully you can
figure out something not so drastic to convince him that this is waht he needs.
Anita, mom to Kat,24, BP, living with us,mother to a 4 yr old and 2 yr old,on topomax 300mg, cymbalta200mg
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justlovehim |
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Senior
Posts: 3402 (06/10/09 07:14 PM) Senior
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Anita, that is exactly what we have told him. If he doesn't go, he needs to find somewhere else to live. We cannot continue status quo. He is hateful,
disrespectful, won't work, makes messes, takes things. DH told him to get a job and he flat out refuses. We've tried telling him that if he completes
the academy with GED, we will help him get a car and his license so he can have a way to a job. NO WAY! He will not hear it. He's using his manipulation to
make me feel guilty. I'll say he is so hurtful.... he sure can manipulate me. I fall for it many times.
Heather, I have a few men to whom he is somewhat respectful who will talk to him and try to guide him. These are men from church who he will talk to. Hopefully, they will be able to convince him. One of them called him this morning, unbeknownst to me, and talked to him about this and his plans, etc. God is in control. I am not. I pray that He will guide him and prick his heart to make the best decision for a bright future. I am so afraid! I showed him the letter when I got home from work today. He yelled at me that he is not going and then told me he was going to his friend's house and hasn't come back. That was 6 hrs ago. Here we go again..... Chris
DS-Matt,17 : DSolder- 24 : DD- 22 Depression, dx May 2008, ADHD- dx age 9 Attending homebound education, being counseled once a week in-home, and refusing all meds. Waiting to see about the "Mountaineer ChalleNGe Academy" admission. "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" Philippians 4:4 |
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Ebeths mom |
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Senior
Posts: 3179 (06/10/09 07:34 PM) Moderator
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I'll say some prayers for you Chris. Sounds like he would so benefit from this place, if you could just get him to go there! I hope that if he doesn't
listen to you, he will listen to your friends from church.
Hugs
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Rayni |
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Senior
Posts: 15900 (06/11/09 12:19 AM) Resident
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I think he's scared. I found out the reason Nick won't get his GED is he is afraid. Afraid if he gets it, he'll HAVE to go to work & that he'll fail. 
Rayni, mom to Nick, 22, SSI, topamax, abilify, buspar, (Asperger's, bipolar, anxiety); prilosec
(reflux); zyrtec-D, nasal spray (allergies); metformin (insulin resistance)
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justlovehim |
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Senior
Posts: 3402 (06/11/09 05:26 AM) Senior
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He refuses to take responsibility for anything. He wanted a couple dollars the other day. I gave him a list of things I needed done before he went. He went to
all the trouble of hiding clothes under the bed, behind the dresser, etc.... then made the bed. Actually the room looked decent. It would have been less
trouble to put the clothes away. But he did make it presentable. Then cleaned up the bathroom and cleaned the toilet. He CAN do things. He wants a carefree
life.
He texted me last night. Not coming home. Going fishing. It's summer. Good night. I just want him to go to this so bad!! It's exactly what he needs. Thanks for all your support and prayers. Chris
DS-Matt,17 : DSolder- 24 : DD- 22 Depression, dx May 2008, ADHD- dx age 9 Attending homebound education, being counseled once a week in-home, and refusing all meds. Waiting to see about the "Mountaineer ChalleNGe Academy" admission. "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" Philippians 4:4 |
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Tracy |
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Junior
Posts: 261 (06/11/09 07:44 AM) |
Chris, great news on the letter. I too think Matt is scared to go. Travis would tell me he is afraid to grow up, believe it or not, when thats what he wanted
the most was to be an adult and do adult stuff.
I sat here shaking my head reading your post, thinking how I too could be so easily manipulated as well. They are good at that. Tough love is hard. I still struggle with it. When Travis would text mean stuff to me, I just wouldn't answer him, that way he wasn't winning. Who pays for that cell phone?
Tracy
Mom of Travis-18 (still trying to figure out a dx.) was taking Depakote ER 500mg at bedtime was taking Seroquel 100mg at bedtime was taking Celexa 20mg/morning Completely off all meds at this time. |
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Rayni |
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Senior
Posts: 15900 (06/11/09 10:03 AM) Resident
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I'm sorry, but I got a big grin on my face reading about hiding clothes
 Nick came in this morning asking where his dad's socks were. Dad was supposed to wash his socks last night, but they're still in the washer.
Ummm, why didn't Nick wash his socks? When we were on vacation last summer, he stayed home & "broke" the washer. Now, he won't wash his
clothes.
Did you text g'nite back to him? I would have.
Rayni, mom to Nick, 22, SSI, topamax, abilify, buspar, (Asperger's, bipolar, anxiety); prilosec
(reflux); zyrtec-D, nasal spray (allergies); metformin (insulin resistance)
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justlovehim |
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Senior
Posts: 3402 (06/11/09 12:50 PM) Senior
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We pay for the cell phone, but it is blocked so he can only call family. However, his friends can still call him. No, I didn't text goodnight back. I let
it drop. DH told me to tell him to come home or NOT. I didn't do that either. I let it go. No sign of him today yet.
Chris
DS-Matt,17 : DSolder- 24 : DD- 22 Depression, dx May 2008, ADHD- dx age 9 refuses meds Waiting to see if he will attend the "Mountaineer ChalleNGe Academy" "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" Philippians 4:4 |
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Tracy |
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Junior
Posts: 261 (06/11/09 01:49 PM) |
Sorry Chris, I know its hard waiting and not knowing....
Tracy
Mom of Travis-18 (still trying to figure out a dx.) was taking Depakote ER 500mg at bedtime was taking Seroquel 100mg at bedtime was taking Celexa 20mg/morning Completely off all meds at this time. |
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JoAnnSW |
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Senior
Posts: 5721 (06/11/09 09:46 PM) Moderator
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Sorry Matt is behaving so badly. He must be a very unhappy young man. I know it's easier said than done, but you need to start detaching with love, not
putting up walls but just detaching. You really can't control what Matt is going to do or control what decisions he is going to make. I know that's
rough, but it's reality.
JoAnn, daughter 22, dysphoric bipolar disorder and insulin dependent diabetes, currently controlled with Lamictal, 400mgs, Lithium 450mgs, Seroquel 500mgs,
Klonipin 1mg and two types of Insulin
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justlovehim |
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Senior
Posts: 3402 (06/12/09 04:55 AM) Senior
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I am trying to do that. It's so hard. I'm so sad and yet scared. I KNOW that he makes these decisons, but I feel so sad for him and the life he is set
up for. He's smart, but without a diploma or GED, he will not get a job that makes a decent living. Money isn't everything, don't get me wrong, but
it sure makes life a little easier.
Yesterday, he texted me and I didn't answer. He didn't come home. He called dd and asked "do you want to do something tomorrow?" That is just weird. He is at his friend's house. Who knows what he has told those parents? O well. It will be too bad if he is planning on asking dd to live with her because she will say no. She is going to offer to take him to the academy instead of us. Her idea. I never planned on my child's life being like this. It's so sad. Chris
DS-Matt,17 : DSolder- 24 : DD- 22 Depression, dx May 2008, ADHD- dx age 9 refuses meds Waiting to see if he will attend the "Mountaineer ChalleNGe Academy" "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" Philippians 4:4 |
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momofalexa |
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Senior
Posts: 9092 (06/12/09 11:14 AM) Moderator,
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Like you said yourself, it's true he will not get a job that makes a decent living without a diploma or a GED but really there is nothing else you can do
to change his course if he is determined. He is the one who will live with the consequences of those bad decisions. I know it hurts your heart but you really
have no way for forcing him...sigh.
Good idea about dd taking him to the academy. Perhaps he will acquiesce with her once he figures out he isn't gonna live with her. I'm with ya' on the never having planned on this. None of us have hoped for these situations for our kids (almost adults, in our case!) It is definitely sad at times. Sending some big hugs to you....
Heather
Mom of Alexa, (17 years old) Diagnosed BP-NOS (09/05), updated to BP II w/psychotic features (05/08) Oppositional Defiant Disorder Abilify (10 mg), Lamictal (200 mg), Klonipin (.5 mg) as needed Topamax at night only (100 mg) Seroquel at night only (200mg) *when she is willing* Attends alternative therapeutic high school (Ohio)
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Tracy |
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Junior
Posts: 261 (06/12/09 11:45 AM) |
Is Matt home?
Tracy
Mom of Travis-18 (still trying to figure out a dx.) was taking Depakote ER 500mg at bedtime was taking Seroquel 100mg at bedtime was taking Celexa 20mg/morning Completely off all meds at this time. |
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kristin3 |
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Senior
Posts: 2850 (06/12/09 02:03 PM) Pharmacy
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I'm with JoAnn. I know it is hard but if you and dd could tell him that you want him to go to the academy because you love him but will respect (although
not live with) his choice to not go. And then just leave it. Don't react. Just keep reminding him that you want what is best for him because you love him
and you are sorry that you and he disagree on what is best.
He does sound scared. He sounds scared both that he might not make it at the academy, that he will fail or get kicked out for not behaving or that he will graduate and then not be able to get a job. Maybe it would be easier on him to suggest that he give it a try and if it doesn't work out, then at least he knows he tried. Take some pressure off.
Kristin
Alex 12-GAD, mood disorder, 37.5mg Effexor, 3mg Invega, 100mg Topamax BID 
Matthew 10-ADHD, dysthymia, 300mg Wellbutrin XL 
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justlovehim |
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Senior
Posts: 3402 (06/12/09 02:38 PM) Senior
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He didn't come home today and he didn't call dd either. He is texting me now. Whatever happened to just making a phone call and saying what you want
and then hang up??? I acknowledged him, but didn't answer further. He called and is coming here. What am I to do? What do I say? I'm so confused.
It's like I'm running a hotel.
Come in, throw your dirty clothes on the floor.... oh, BTW, go ahead and throw all the clean clothes on the floor too..... I get paid for that... don't worry about making a mess in the bathroom and kitchen... paid for that too! and when you're done.... just leave... no need to say hello or goodbye here. Sorry, but that's what it's like. Chris
DS-Matt,17 : DSolder- 24 : DD- 22 Depression, dx May 2008, ADHD- dx age 9 refuses meds Waiting to see if he will attend the "Mountaineer ChalleNGe Academy" "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" Philippians 4:4 |
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lilyns |
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Senior
Posts: 2583 (06/12/09 03:28 PM) Senior |
Ugh, Chris...I can imagine how maddening and frustrating the situation with Matt is. I think Kristin's idea of being as unemotional as possible is good,
if you can do it. Maybe you shouldn't mention the academy to him at all and let your DD talk with him about it. He seems to relate best to her. Maybe
you should not be home when he arrives. Let him see that you have other things to do than to concentrate on him.
Lynne,
Mom of Lilah, age 16 (Abilify-15 mgms) 
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Anita |
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Senior
Posts: 4450 (06/12/09 06:22 PM) Charter
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My DD texts me all the time too. I have gotten used to it. I think she does not want to talk to me directly or is afraid of a lecture so this is her way of
communicating without having to listen to me.
Anita, mom to Kat,24, BP, living with us,mother to a 4 yr old and 2 yr old,on topomax 300mg, cymbalta200mg
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jhmom |
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Junior
Posts: 297 (06/12/09 06:28 PM) Junior |
I'm sorry! I hope things are going well there tonight with him home!
Quote:Mom to Jordan, age 12: Currently in Residental Care @ hospital Asthma Severe allergies Bipolar ADHD possible PDD-NOS taking 100 mg Seraquel in the PM Singlair and Claritin 
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justlovehim |
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Senior
Posts: 3402 (06/12/09 07:03 PM) Senior
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I have mostly tried to get on with whatever I need to do . Prob is... He doesn't have a key to the house. He can't get in if we aren't home. This
is due to stealing. So he came home and took a shower. I am trying to act a little bit cool toward him. I don't appreciate that he just comes and goes as
he pleases. He hasn't said much either. Why is he home on a Friday night? O his skankie friends must be with their parents. LOL
He's in his room. Okay Lynne and Kristin.... I'm trying. Anita, I think you are exactly right in that there is no lecturing and frankly, I annoy him so he doesn't have to listen to my voice. Chris
DS-Matt,17 : DSolder- 24 : DD- 22 Depression, dx May 2008, ADHD- dx age 9 refuses meds Waiting to see if he will attend the "Mountaineer ChalleNGe Academy" "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" Philippians 4:4 |
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