Maxine~isms

Maxine on "Driver Safety"
"I can't use the cell phone in the car. I have to keep my hands free for making gestures."
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Maxine on "Life"
"Life is like an oven. It burns my buns."
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Maxine on "Housework"
"I do my housework in the nude. It gives me an incentive to clean the mirrors as quickly as possible."
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Maxine on "Lawn Care"
"The key to a nice-looking lawn is a good mower. I recommend one who is muscular and shirtless."
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Maxine on "Body Piercing"
"I'd get my tongue pierced, but I still have a little bit of brain left in my head."
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Maxine on "the Perfect Man"
"All I'm looking for is a guy who'll do what I want, when I want, for as long as I want, and then go away ...or wait nearby, like a Dust Buster, charged up and ready when needed."
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Maxine on "Work"
"My performance at work has really improved over the years. Now I can nail a coworker with a paper-clip shot from a rubber band at 20 yards."
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Maxine on "the Technology Revolution"
"My idea of rebooting is kicking somebody in the butt twice."
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Maxine on "Aging"
"Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a large margarita."