Wow! I definitely know what you are talking about with the eyes! I connected so much to what you were saying about the eyes. It is my husband, not a child that is bipolar. I know the look you are talking about - it's like the person that I know disappears and someone else is standing there. But you know what - the right diagnosis and right meds CAN make a difference and you know the times that you have seen the boy you love in those eyes. Try to hold on to that during these other times. My DH recently had a med change and I am seeing some of his old self in his eyes, after a very long period of time. Try to remember that your son is still there - the illness, the chemistry in their bodies take control - I remember back when when my DH would come out of it he was so apologetic for his behavior - I know it can be hurtful, heartbreaking, etc. - we have to try to keep in mind it is an illness and do what we can for ourselves to help us cope. I understand what you mean about the breaks but it's important to care for yourself and part of that is finding ways and times to relax. And another thing we have to try and do is take things one day at a time. There are definitely times when I have given up hope and you know what, then there's that glimmer of sunshine. I 'm glad that you both have counselling - I found that can be so helpful. And just letting it out has helped so much - and this is a great place to come and do that too. People DO get it here.