I know that most days can feel like :banghead but you have to be proud of yourself for managing to hold some of it together while dealing while your own child with issues added to others children. I tried to help out a friend by keeping her two after school, and it didn't work out. My dd felt like she had to show out, There were many MANY days when I honestly didn't know how I felt about my child, or myself for feeling the way I did about my child. God help me when I say that I could imagine a much happier household if she weren't there. I know how horrible it sounds, it felt even worse to think it. I started literally shutting myself away by locking myself in my bedroom so that I wouldn't have to deal with her, but still, she went out of her way to make me. I know now that she thrived on the extra attention, that to her it was a mission to make my life hell. That was the bipolar effect on my child. I also learned that being able to recognize what it was didn't make it better. It didn't change me having to pull over on the side of the road sobbing because while throwing things at me from the middle of the van where she landed after unbuckling herself saying she would make me wreck and die, she had taken off a pretty hefty shoe and bashed me in the head with it. She was only 6. It never made anyone else understand why she said she hated me, she wanted new parents, she wished she was dead. I feel your pain, I truly do. I have moved past those feelings (hopefully forever), but I know I'll never be able to forget how I felt then, or how she made me feel about myself.