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This is what DH helped me write.

With regards to Alexander's homework, the homework I discussed with you on Friday when you picked him up was not attempted. He was supposed to read as much as he could from "The Underground Railroad" and write a letter to his teacher about his silent reading and making connections to other events or texts. He did none of the required reading and did not write a letter.

Alexander also has a history project due on Friday that I was planning on working on with him today. As a result of him not doing the homework that I asked for you to help him with, he is now behind and his marks will suffer. This has also caused a great deal of stress for him as he is not capable of sitting and working for long periods of time on tasks that he finds very difficult; namely, writing.

Alexander is not able to take full responsibility for organizing his time and ensuring that he get his homework done without any adult supervision. He should ideally be spending 20 minutes per day on his school or silent reading. We often take turns reading aloud. His letters should be ¾ of a page in length in cursive which, with his fine motor skill problems and expressive language learning disability, can take him 2 or more hours to complete. Do you have any suggestions as to how we can make sure this gets done in the future? I have chosen these assignments for your house since they are the same each week and I thought that would be the simplest to communicate. I often have him talk to me about what he wants to write about and then take notes for him so he can refer to them as he is writing. He has a below average working memory which means he often forgets what he was going to say before he finishes writing down the sentence.

As you may be aware, he will be in highschool in another year and a half. As a result, his homework load is gradually being increased to match that of what he will be getting then. In addition, he also has five teachers this year and ten subjects. This means a lot of homework to coordinate between different teachers and extensions cannot always be granted for him for not doing his homework on your weekends as has been done in the past.

Please let me know what I can do to help ensure that Alexander's homework is done in the future.

I can do I statements with other people but not with him. I still have to fight the urge to vomit in his presence so staying calm and using I statements is difficult.

As you predicted, he got very defensive. He blamed Alex for telling them he was reading the right book even though I told him what the book was he was supposed to be reading. They feel that Alex is very capable of taking responsibility for his homework and there is nothing wrong with his memory since he can remember many Pokemon facts. So basically, despite the fact that I have told them Alex has a diagnosed learning disability and needs their help to remember to do his homework and needs accomodations when doing his writing assignments, they say I am making excuses for him.

I think I need to use the email for now so I can calm down when I get his response and think rationally before responding. I will try to use the I statements in future in the email.

The worst part yesterday was sitting with him doing his homework and hearing him say I didn't do X because I never wanted that assignment made me think of Chris and Matt. If this Alex stays around much longer, I am afraid I am going to have a skipping and not doing homework/studying teenage boy on my hands and his father thinks it is all my fault because I coddle him too much. The Alex from last term had me believing he might actually be able to do university or college with a little maturity.

I was trying to get him to help with Alex's homework instead of the work that ex-dh has been assigning him while he is there. He has been forcing Alex to read a book above his current reading level that he doesn't even like and then at the end of the entire chapter book which may have taken him 2 months or more to read, he is supposed to summarize the whole story. The keep him there for hours trying to get him to do this and threatening punishments. They say he lies when he says he can't remember what happened.

Then, they spend an hour or more doing bible study which he legally isn't allowed to do with them without my consent and they never asked. I have sole custody and so I decide what religion they learn. Not to mention that neither one of them read well enough to be able to read from the bible and understand it. I was hoping he could work on his real homework instead. Alex actually said he preferred his school work.

I know I am not very objective when it comes to this situation but the way they treat him and expect him to do everything the same as everyone else sounds like verbal abuse to me. It is certainly damaging to his self esteem. I can't seem to make them understand that a child can be smart and still have an LD. This is the case with Alex. His teacher says he is thinking at a grade 7 A level in language. His writing ability and speed have been holding him back and he is on a grade 6 curriculum.

Alex is behind on his assignments. The kids are given time in class to do their projects but with Alex's LDs and inability to work completely independently and his history teacher being I am guessing a first year teacher (I swear I am old enough to have babysat him), he is having a hard time understanding and coping with a child with an IEP. I keep having to play the dumb blonde to get notes for Alex to study for tests. It is working without having to have any arguments so I keep doing it.

This is honestly less homework than he used to get. The big problem is this weekly letter is due Mondays and is about the reading that is done during the week. I wish I could change the date to Tuesday or something so we could rearrange things and not need to do homework on the weekend. The other problem is that report card marks are submitted in 2 weeks so the homework is heavy right now as everyone tries to catch up. He doesn't always have this much homework. He also takes way too long to do it. The teacher gave me some suggestions to help him speed up with some of it. For example, she said she lets him complain for 5 min and then his time is up and he has to get to work. Or if he gets too stressed, she lets him walk around for 5 min and then come back to it. She said he gets right back to work for her. I tried it yesterday and it worked.

My big concern is highschool. They aren't going to be as accomodating in highschool. He is in a regular class. I am really worried about how that whole thing is going to work.