HJ still has huge issues with anxiety and is obsessed with her looks and body image. For awhile she was able to go out in public without spending hours putting
on makeup and fixing her hair, but lately that has not been the case. She does see a tdoc now twice a month, an older woman whom she likes very much and who I
believe is working with her on assertive training. Ironically on the makeup, I feel she looks better when she doesn't wear so much makeup. I feel she is
giving up a classy Grace Kelly look for a Tammy Faye Baker look, but, what the hey, I'm just her mom.
She has lost a lot of weight the past six months and is now very focused on exercise. She works out several hours every day. But, as always, everything is done to excess. She becomes very anxious if she is unable to do the full routine. She worries how she can continue her exercise program if she should get a job or go back to school.
I keep saying, if this happens, you just have to cut down your TV time, talking on the phone, and MySpace/Facebook.
She looks terrific but isn't satisfied. She wants to have plastic surgery. She wants a breast lift and feels her breasts have sagged because of the weight loss (about thirty pounds in the past six months). She also wants a tummy tuck and a nose job (thinks her nose is too big). She wanted us to pay for the breast lift as a gift and harped on it for days.
She continues to spend all of her disposable income on clothes, makeup, tanning, and hair care, and entertainment. She has so much clothes that there isn't room in the house to contain them. She resents spending money on necessities and tries to get us to subsidize her. I try very hard to set limits, but it is very stressful; and my DH can't stand the nagging and the arguing. She doesn't get as aggressive as she used to, but she can still become temperamental and verbally abusive. I'm just disappointed because I was completely on my own at her age and wouldn't dream of asking my parents for the things she asks for.
My DH is very generous with her as his only child. He pays for her car insurance, buys her a tank of gas each month, provides her health insurance, and just bought her a new computer when her old one died a few weeks ago. I pay the co-pays on her meds to be sure she has them, and she gets free room and board.
I'm able to set and keep limits on these spending requests and am hard nosed about her paying back loans we make to tide her over when she has overspent. But I get discouraged at what I feel is a lack of maturity for her age. She will be 22 very soon but, in this area, she acts to me more like 16 or 17. The only reassurance I have is that when she was 16 and 17 she acted in many ways like 13 or 14, if not 6 or 7.
So I guess I have to be patient. She is maturing, just not at the rate I would have wished.
She has lost a lot of weight the past six months and is now very focused on exercise. She works out several hours every day. But, as always, everything is done to excess. She becomes very anxious if she is unable to do the full routine. She worries how she can continue her exercise program if she should get a job or go back to school.
I keep saying, if this happens, you just have to cut down your TV time, talking on the phone, and MySpace/Facebook.
She looks terrific but isn't satisfied. She wants to have plastic surgery. She wants a breast lift and feels her breasts have sagged because of the weight loss (about thirty pounds in the past six months). She also wants a tummy tuck and a nose job (thinks her nose is too big). She wanted us to pay for the breast lift as a gift and harped on it for days.
She continues to spend all of her disposable income on clothes, makeup, tanning, and hair care, and entertainment. She has so much clothes that there isn't room in the house to contain them. She resents spending money on necessities and tries to get us to subsidize her. I try very hard to set limits, but it is very stressful; and my DH can't stand the nagging and the arguing. She doesn't get as aggressive as she used to, but she can still become temperamental and verbally abusive. I'm just disappointed because I was completely on my own at her age and wouldn't dream of asking my parents for the things she asks for.
My DH is very generous with her as his only child. He pays for her car insurance, buys her a tank of gas each month, provides her health insurance, and just bought her a new computer when her old one died a few weeks ago. I pay the co-pays on her meds to be sure she has them, and she gets free room and board.
I'm able to set and keep limits on these spending requests and am hard nosed about her paying back loans we make to tide her over when she has overspent. But I get discouraged at what I feel is a lack of maturity for her age. She will be 22 very soon but, in this area, she acts to me more like 16 or 17. The only reassurance I have is that when she was 16 and 17 she acted in many ways like 13 or 14, if not 6 or 7.
So I guess I have to be patient. She is maturing, just not at the rate I would have wished.
Chris
It's really hard to have to listen to it all the time
though, but in the long run you're doing her a favor by not just giving her the money she wants. Hang in there!Maybe the tdoc can give her some money
advice, bugeting, etc, or recommend a class along those lines.
) He's a kind and gentle person underneath
the tough-guy, heavy metal rocker image. I believe he wants a woman in his life who is also gentle, basically kind, and not aggressive; and she fits the bill
there.
to HJ!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is she having a fun day,
JoAnn? What you say is so true - that we must try not to make comparisons between our kids and ourselves or others. That serves no productive purpose and
will only depress us more.
