Well, I have been reading a lot of posts but not posting a lot. Sorry about that. My DS ironically has been doing very well as of late. Thank Goodness. I
think God is looking over me. I don't know that I am strong enough at this point to handle one of my DS's meltdowns.
I am sure I mentioned somewhere along the line that I suffer from anxiety and at times wonder if I am misdiagnosed and my poor DS got his BP from me. Since losing my job I have lost my insurance, which means I have lost my meds. I know I mentioned my horrid withdrawls from the Effexor. Which led to what I would consider a psychotic break and after getting some resemblence of sanity I told my fiance, mother and SIL that they should have thrown me in the hospital.
I was doing better but more like just avoidance of my current mental capacity. I told you all how I was NOT looking forward to the family coming over to my house for the family celebration, how I was glad that it got snowed out and was postponed. Well it has come and gone. I was very much looking forward to it a few days ahead of time, but when the day came it started with a major anxiety attack and didn't go very well. I needed a few things from the store. It had again snowed over ice on the road and I couldn't get to town. I called mom and she said she would stop and get what I needed and that she was an hour ahead of the rest. Well she used that hour in the store apparently because she got there about 5 min before my youngest brother and 15 min before my oldest brother. Which didn't help the anxiety because what I needed was sharp scissors to finish making the baby blankets for the newest members of the family (both my brothers/SIL's had babies in the past few months. So again ... anxiety attack because blankets weren't finished and the babies were here. The major living areas were clean but the bedrooms weren't because well ... I've been too depressed to do it and Jason was so fed up that he was the only one doing it. I didn't even think of the mother's breastfeeding and not wanting to be in front of the family or wanting some privacy in diaper changing. So again Anxiety attack because they saw my messy bedroom (which was better than my sons, rooms).
My SIL didn't help because she read me like a book and called me out on my mental capacities. My oldest brother didn't help because he is just one rude son of a gun (made a deragatory statement towards me involving the use of a cucumber and how I could keep the leftovers for a salad but that it wouldn't be as useful to me now that it was cut up). He also pulled the "lets satify my needs not others" routine he does when it suits him best. He asked me beforehand if I had already bought for the kids or if we wanted to see about pulling names and I told him I had already bought for all. So he conveiniently left me out of the loop of emails passed around in regards to pulling names and so I was the only sibling that bought for all and I am the one without a job. I found out this had transpired because my new to family and oblivious to past negativy SIL thanked me for being so generous and buying for all the kids when we had exchanged names. Well I let my mother and brothers know that I was not pleased and all hell broke lose. Mom defended oldest brother and scolded me, oldest brother hasn't said a word, not I didn't mean to, not I'm sorry, nothing, and my youngest brother and his wife have been nothing but apologetic and supportive, but they don't want anything to do with my oldest brother and are only nice on holidays for mom and my sake.
I have been struggling with depression and trying to get out of bed. On the flip side when I do get out of bed then I can't sleep at all day or night. I am down to about 2 1/2-4 hours in the late afternoon/early evening and about the same in the wee early hours (when I make myself) before the kids have to get up for school. My family has expressed some serious concern for my well being and my fiance is doing all he can to try to help and get me up and out doing something.
I know I am in crisis, but fears of losing my unemployment if I am not able and available for work each day make it worse. I finally had my rescheduled orientation for unemployment yesterday and basically not much mentioned about disabilities other than there's a flyer here, kind of thing. So I wrote the email in my wee hours this morning to see what they can tell me. I am the bread winner of the family and if I lose what little we do have with unemployment we WILL lose everything. Jason's work is seasonal and well ... it isn't the right season for me to lose my job and go banana's. On top of it all, without medication and the feeling like I am just getting worse and worse ... I don't even know if I would make it through an interview if I did get one. Let alone get the job. So its all a catch 22. I am sane enough to know I need help, but horrified enough that it tears me further apart.
Any suggestions? Any idea how mental health and unemployment work together? I want help but how do I go if it means losing our home and everything?
I am sure I mentioned somewhere along the line that I suffer from anxiety and at times wonder if I am misdiagnosed and my poor DS got his BP from me. Since losing my job I have lost my insurance, which means I have lost my meds. I know I mentioned my horrid withdrawls from the Effexor. Which led to what I would consider a psychotic break and after getting some resemblence of sanity I told my fiance, mother and SIL that they should have thrown me in the hospital.
I was doing better but more like just avoidance of my current mental capacity. I told you all how I was NOT looking forward to the family coming over to my house for the family celebration, how I was glad that it got snowed out and was postponed. Well it has come and gone. I was very much looking forward to it a few days ahead of time, but when the day came it started with a major anxiety attack and didn't go very well. I needed a few things from the store. It had again snowed over ice on the road and I couldn't get to town. I called mom and she said she would stop and get what I needed and that she was an hour ahead of the rest. Well she used that hour in the store apparently because she got there about 5 min before my youngest brother and 15 min before my oldest brother. Which didn't help the anxiety because what I needed was sharp scissors to finish making the baby blankets for the newest members of the family (both my brothers/SIL's had babies in the past few months. So again ... anxiety attack because blankets weren't finished and the babies were here. The major living areas were clean but the bedrooms weren't because well ... I've been too depressed to do it and Jason was so fed up that he was the only one doing it. I didn't even think of the mother's breastfeeding and not wanting to be in front of the family or wanting some privacy in diaper changing. So again Anxiety attack because they saw my messy bedroom (which was better than my sons, rooms).
My SIL didn't help because she read me like a book and called me out on my mental capacities. My oldest brother didn't help because he is just one rude son of a gun (made a deragatory statement towards me involving the use of a cucumber and how I could keep the leftovers for a salad but that it wouldn't be as useful to me now that it was cut up). He also pulled the "lets satify my needs not others" routine he does when it suits him best. He asked me beforehand if I had already bought for the kids or if we wanted to see about pulling names and I told him I had already bought for all. So he conveiniently left me out of the loop of emails passed around in regards to pulling names and so I was the only sibling that bought for all and I am the one without a job. I found out this had transpired because my new to family and oblivious to past negativy SIL thanked me for being so generous and buying for all the kids when we had exchanged names. Well I let my mother and brothers know that I was not pleased and all hell broke lose. Mom defended oldest brother and scolded me, oldest brother hasn't said a word, not I didn't mean to, not I'm sorry, nothing, and my youngest brother and his wife have been nothing but apologetic and supportive, but they don't want anything to do with my oldest brother and are only nice on holidays for mom and my sake.
I have been struggling with depression and trying to get out of bed. On the flip side when I do get out of bed then I can't sleep at all day or night. I am down to about 2 1/2-4 hours in the late afternoon/early evening and about the same in the wee early hours (when I make myself) before the kids have to get up for school. My family has expressed some serious concern for my well being and my fiance is doing all he can to try to help and get me up and out doing something.
I know I am in crisis, but fears of losing my unemployment if I am not able and available for work each day make it worse. I finally had my rescheduled orientation for unemployment yesterday and basically not much mentioned about disabilities other than there's a flyer here, kind of thing. So I wrote the email in my wee hours this morning to see what they can tell me. I am the bread winner of the family and if I lose what little we do have with unemployment we WILL lose everything. Jason's work is seasonal and well ... it isn't the right season for me to lose my job and go banana's. On top of it all, without medication and the feeling like I am just getting worse and worse ... I don't even know if I would make it through an interview if I did get one. Let alone get the job. So its all a catch 22. I am sane enough to know I need help, but horrified enough that it tears me further apart.
Any suggestions? Any idea how mental health and unemployment work together? I want help but how do I go if it means losing our home and everything?
Chris
- Mom to ds JJ age 8, bp, selective mutism, gad, sid
